I will explain it..
I tried to take a nap, but the only thing I did was rolling from one side to the other side,
thinking and wasting my time. But what should I do? My eyes are tired, I want to sleep, but I just
can't sleep. So maybe writing about it helps :).
For your information. I am already 14 weeks in Borneo, doing my internship. And I seriously like it here. I have met a lot of great people and still meeting a lot of great people. It really inspires me to do a lot of things, when I hear their stories. But then time comes walking by. I am working every day (incl saturdaymorning) and I want to give myself entirely to my work and really be somebody, but a lot of times I also get destracted from my work. Probably because of the story a backpacker told me last night or my sweet colleague, ór some photographs I have seen on facebook, ór I am thinking about my family I talked to on skype.
I want to do all these incredible things:
- be somebody in the company I work for now - really make a change in the project we are doing now, prove that I can do it and I am a hard worker
- do volunteerwork for people and animals who really need it
- go travel to all these wonderful places in Borneo where I am now, but where I haven't seen a lot from
- spend a lot and precious time with my family and my two little cousins, whom I miss like crazy
- get my Bachelor Degree because it is important to have a diploma
- want to be a writer and a photographer
- speak Spanish, French and Italian because they sound like songs
- go to Italy and spend time their because it is my dream to live there one day and look back at my life and say wow! I wouldn't want to change anything...
I can make this list longer, but I will save you from that..
So when should I do what?
Now I should focus on work, but what if it is not really paying of the way I want to. I am not achieving anything, it is not giving me satisfaction (yet)... maybe with this new project?
Okay, what about after my internship that is in 7 weeks. First my parents come and visit me and we have 2 weeks together.. then the big choice then comes after that. Do I travel thru Borneo for another 2,5 weeks or should I go home and see my family.. Then I have two weeks to spend with my family, before I have to move to my university city again to work, because the money thing is another issue.. Or should i indeed travel thru Borneo and spend less time with my family????
Then my university. How important is it, to have your bachelor degree? I agree, it is important. But If I follow my heart; I go travelling and do what I love to do. Go from place to place, exploring things and LEARN things. But can I do that? I don't knoooow. I just want everything now, because the thing they say is: don't wait till it's too late! And it is sooooo true... That is why I am so confused..
And i cannot sleep!
